Holding On and Letting Go

Recently I was pondering a situation about which I felt conflicted. I was practicing looking at it objectively from all vantage points, which is, of course, impossible. Still, I pretend. Anyway, while wrangling it all around in my head, it occurred to me that the entire dilemma could be pared down to the very basic issue of holding on versus letting go. I found that enlightening. I was shocked that it could be quite that simple. So, I extrapolated a bit and I came to the realization that life is absolutely filled with contrasts that, when stripped down to their bare essences, are about that same dichotomy.

Anger is a prime example of the struggle between the part of you that knows it’s an exhausting and destructive force that you should let go of, and the part of you that wants to hold on to it and cradle it against your heart like a newborn. Holding on to anger lets you feel right, strong, and superior. Letting go just lets you feel good.

Fear is another example. Most of us have some fear of change. We hold on to it to keep from having to push forward and stretch out of our box. We may call it caution or practicality or being sensible, but changing the name doesn’t really change the emotion. We hold on to fear because it’s a known quantity and it’s familiar. It’s like being in 3rd grade and hanging out with the mean kid who calls you names and always makes you run after the ball. Better to hang with him and be abused than to risk dumping him and ending up alone in the unknown. Holding on --- letting go.

One of my personal favorites is hanging on to the past. Who among us hasn’t got that down to an art form? It’s as if we think that by mentally rewriting the script about a bazillion times, we might someday created a revised version of reality. Um-hm, that’s a great use of time and energy.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the ever popular parent/child conundrum. Children grow up and struggle to find the navigable path between holding on to Mom or Dad and letting go to step into their own world. And, you know it’s coming, parents have to face their own (much, much more challenging if you ask me) struggle of holding on to the most precious beings God ever contemplated, to keep them safe and secure and close, versus letting them go so that they might take a risk, fall flat, and become active participants in creating their destiny. Whew! It’s enough to wear me out.

For the last few years I’ve been seeking to learn more about balance. Yin and yang. I believe holding on and letting go is just another verse to that song. Neither holding on nor letting go can be absolute, but rather both function as counterpoints to help us find that sweet spot of equilibrium and contentment. Sometimes it still feels like a walk on a high wire, but I’m learning to relax my grip and move forward into the challenge.